


the closer we get to something.

by ゼロ四 - yon (arurun)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angsty Naruto, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto) Feels, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Gai is a respectable adult, Gen, I just found out that Mr Ukki is a character tag, Multi, Naruto is now Shinobu, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shinobu is slowly gathering an army of children, Sickfic, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, idk how to write relationships, mother hen army, naruto doesn't have kurama anymore, naruto interacts with his tiny, naruto just kinda has panic attacks, no beta we die like men, or ever idk, sick Naruto, so there aren't any pairings planned yet, the children are mother hens, until he drags you out at four am to see the sunrise, yeah i know there's already a character called Shinobu but shhh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-07-10 16:37:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 13,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19908862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arurun/pseuds/%E3%82%BC%E3%83%AD%E5%9B%9B%20-%20yon
Summary: The Tailed Beasts send Naruto back in time as a last, desperate shove of faith. Naruto stumbles into a younger version of himself, and promptly, very reasonably, bursts into tears.





	1. you know, the closer you get to something.

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go into the Time Travel bandwagon-- or, at least, I'm super late into it but whocaresherewego -- thanks for clicking into this? Hope you enjoy!

Naruto blinks.

He doesn’t think much of the darkness at first-- last he remembered, the moon was rising. 

Then, he remembers that very same moon gleaming a disturbing red, a line seaming across the skyline, and eyelids part to reveal blood red with nine tomoes.

He shrinks into a gasp, stepping back almost instinctively, juttingly stepping away from light as he’s  _ confused _ for a horrifyingly long moment.

What was he doing in a town?

It’s dim. Evening, the town’s a soft gray and filtered with lights-- Naruto steps out of the alley he realizes he’s in-- and his breath holds.

He finds  _ life _ .

Chatter rings between people, laughter honks boisterously among the drunkards. The fluorescent lighting would’ve been preposterous to indulge in, being times of war and all-- but somehow, the amount of  _ people _ Naruto was seeing-- it rendered him speechless.

And in that moment, everything comes back to him.

The war. The red moon. The white goddess.

The lifeless bodies. The crying faces. The desperate pleas. The searing agony and the ruined village.

A flood of nausea plagues over him, and he doubles over the side, retching out. His stomach was empty, not even a weak flow of stomach acid and saliva could be thrown out of him.

But it hurts all the same, magma strangling his windpipe as he whimpers.

_ They’re all  _ **_gone_ ** _. _

“Woah! Sorry, sir!”

He whirls around at the voice, at the little figure that stumbles over his foot but catches himself easily. 

The younger blond boy is nimble and restless on his feet (maybe the noise of someone yelling for a prankster punk behind them had something to do with it), but he takes a moment to swirl around and drop a short apology at the man he trips over.

And Naruto all but freezes.

He freezes, at the little boy that couldn’t be any older than four now. Splashed in a motley of colours (what was he up to this time? Naruto probably doesn’t remember) yet none of it dulled the disgusted raised eyebrows and symmetrical whiskers on his cheeks.

He wasn’t wearing the obnoxious orange (not yet, that jacket was from Iruka after all) but Naruto couldn’t, well,  _ shouldn’t  _ be seeing it wrong.

This was a young Uzumaki Naruto standing before him.

He knows he should be giving the customary polite assurance and send the child on his way. But Naruto doesn’t,  _ can’t _ do it.

All emotion that takes him is a crushing feeling of conflicted despair. A mixture of happiness, worry, relief, horror and utter  _ dismay _ fills him so thickly he was choking.

He doesn’t think much of himself at the moment. He curls into the corner, fingers (nails cracked, skin scraped, doesn’t care) whiteknuckled over the wall as he just  _ sobs _ . 


	2. the tougher it is to see it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto wakes up. And he's... not where he remembers being.

He wrangles himself out of the fire, kicking and screaming; only to realize he’s not burning. He finds himself, fully clothed in his turtleneck and his headband and everything only sleep-furled-- then he notices the thin, ratty blanket draped over his stomach (it doesn’t even go as far as his knees) and he sucks in an almost pained breath of realization.

The futon he lays on isn’t one he remembers. Worse than the worn out, dusty supplies in the medical tent (and those things were only acceptable in critically wounded person standards) Naruto grimaces as he firmly decides this was barely usable, torn in a couple spots, and was that moss on the edge?

He didn’t remember himself being this utterly…  _ careless _ with personal health and hygiene. Sakura was always murderously concerned when Naruto didn’t sleep with a blanket, even when they were late into the war. 

(Well, Naruto has never gotten sick before and never would’ve because of the fox, and Sakura knew that, but it didn’t stop the best medic-nin in the world from worrying at all.)

He spins when he hears a snore on his other side, and instinctively reaches for his kunai.

He doesn’t find it strapped to his waist (and that was alarming. Near the end of the war, no one had the luxury of stripping off their weapons before sleeping. Not anymore,) and for a moment his heart sinks.

He steadies his breathing, reminding himself that this wasn’t war, not anymore at least--

He takes in the curled up form of his younger self beside him, and gently wraps the blanket around the much more thinly-clothed figure.

He frowns as he realized that this child had wrapped him in the only blanket in the house, despite barely knowing the man at all.

Picking himself up from the bed with a little more effort than he’d like to admit he needed, he grunts as his knees buckle in a foreign exhaustion, and his head swirls sharply in a pounding headache. He bears with it and tries to stand up again.

He sets younger Naruto into the futon (this thing is  _ barely _ a futon, he grunts) and makes his way to where he remembers the washroom being.

This was a temporary residence, one he barely remembers.

When the orphanage first kicked him out, Naruto had settled into a temporary household with a periodical ANBU dropping in. It wasn’t for another two years that he would move into the more considerable apartment he lived in his Genin years.

The lavatory, with gray and unpainted cement walls, is dingy and considerably decent despite what Naruto expected. Perhaps, it had been recently cleaned out.

Twisting the tap, he waits a few moments for the water to shakily bumble out of the faucet. It’s freezing cold, but clean. 

He brings two handfuls of water to his face, and the cooling sensation, though it burns his skin, is almost liberating. He finally notices his sweat-soaked clothing, but he doesn’t think he’s in any position to be borrowing the shower.

His forearms, shoulders, and stomach-- specific parts of his long-sleeved clothing were ripped off to make way for bandages-- it couldn’t have been tiny Naruto that did this, right?

He runs a wet hand through the dust-stained and fingerprint-smudged mirror, clearing out the dirt so he could  _ see _ .

Then he gasps.

“Wait, what the  _ fuck _ ?”


	3. and i'll never take it for granted.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His trip back had taken a lot away from him. But seriously, they couldn't let his whiskers stay?

**_“We’re sending you back, kit,”_ ** **Kurama had that tone that Naruto hadn’t heard since they were separated by a cage.**

**And Naruto didn’t like being shoved with an attitude like that. Not when his head was hurting, his heart was tearing itself to pieces, and his ears were ringing with Hinata’s last words, empty promises he’d already broken.**

**_“Sending me back how? Kurama, don’t do this to me.”_ **

**They’d talked about this. Debated the possibility of time travel-- with the Second Hokage and Fourth Hokage, with the Tailed Beasts’ chakra, and with Hagoromo’s Yang Seal-- they’d planned out the delicate Fuuinjutsu with only the best help.**

**But after Sakura,** **_Sakura_ ** **died, Naruto had slammed all discussion out the window because he** **_couldn’t_ ** **. They’ve come so far-- come so far tried so hard riskedsomuch** **_killedsomany_ ** **, why bother?**

 **_“Would you rather get off your depressed ass and do something or would you rather stay there until the other countries get obliterated too?”_ ** **Kurama snarled, a paw coming down onto the waters of the sewer that was their mindscape, a growl rumbling under his snout.**

**Naruto had no return to that.**

**Konohagakure had been razed to the ground, nothing left of it but a devastating crater and crushed mountain debris. There hadn’t been much of a fight, it all happened much, much too fast-- that must’ve been when they lost most of their fighting spirit.**

**_“What’s the catch?”_ ** **Naruto knew there was one. There had to be one. He didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to believe it.**

**And Kurama only manages to grunt out, a dullness to his cheer that made Naruto hate it. Hate the hopelessness. Hate the honest emotion in his usually dishonest friend.**

**_“It’ll take all of us to send just one of you.”_ **

  


Naruto doesn’t recognize the man in the mirror.

First and foremost his trademark whiskers are gone. Whoever did this they better square up cause they’re getting a straight Uzumaki Naruto barrage straight where the sun don’t shine--

His _hair_ ’s different, too. Not the shorter cut he’s opted for after he became Hokage, it’s longer, like Kiba’s when his hair wasn’t mostly hidden or held back by a hood or a headband. 

Most of all, it’s _red_. His mind flashes to his mother and her signature red locks-- but no, this red feels different, it’s a little more into the shade of rust, browner than he knows his mother had-- it called him back to his other friend-- the Eight-Tails, _Gyuuki_. 

He tries not to grimace at the dark circles under his eyes, but frowns at his own limbs-- much too thin, much too weak and brittle-boned for his liking. Wait, limbs? He has all four limbs now? What? Who is this?

Almost belatedly, he notices his right eye and lurches forward to the window almost in a panic. This was the eye that was lost in battle. He hadn’t had the chance to replace the eye with his Yang Seal, being a battle and all-- but there it was, no longer blue but _Matatabi_ ’s gleaming gold, and a frightening theory rises in his mind.

Quickly, he realizes this body isn’t exactly his. 

It _felt_ like it belonged on himself, but in truth it was anything but. This body has traces of himself, definitely, seeing the scars and the ANBU tattoo on his shoulder-- but whatever he was missing: his arm, a large array of organs decimated in their final battle, an eye, a foot-- those were a motley concoction of the Tailed Beasts, perhaps. 

There’s no laceration where new body parts filled the blanks, but the skin was a little lighter than his own-- like some strange tan lines all over himself.

A part of him _has_ been eerily concerned about the lack of Kurama’s noisy snapbacks. Perhaps the send-back had been taxing, for Kurama and for the little bits of all of them he has inside him. That’s why they aren’t talking… right?

But he sweeps his mindscape, drains the sewer and uproots the garden, and he finds no one, not a hint of a tail no matter how much he called for them in his mind and he’s _sure_ that hide and seek isn’t a thing to them.

Alarmingly enough he _feels_ them. Knows that the jade green, almost blue spike, hard and almost sticky, is _Isobu_ ’s chakra. A bluish-white, slime-like flow, bubbling in a way that’s almost like a gentle spring-- that’s _Saiken_ ’s. That ominous green burst that reminded him of a very active volcano? Probably _Son_ , he muses. He sees a swirly flash of yellow and a gas-like cloud of white, so he links those to _Shukaku_ and _Kokuo_. 

He’s sure if he looks around a little more, he’d find the rest of them. He could feel them from here, just needed to slowly dig around to see.

However that was it. Just remnants of chakra, no sign of the grand beasts themselves in his mind. Most of all, no _Kurama_ , and unlike the rest Kurama didn’t even leave a trace of chakra for him to miss.

**_“It’ll take all of us to send just one of you.”_ **

Uzumaki Naruto comes to realize that not only is he in the past, he’s no longer a jinchuuriki, yet he’s still very much alive.

Kurama’s gone, and he somehow knows that he’s only alive because of all this chakra they’d embedded in him before leaving.


	4. let's go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He gathers himself. He has a mission, and he's going to get started before he gets killed.

He gathers himself.

Sitting down beside the futon where tiny Naruto is snoring without a worry in the world, Naruto notes that he’s wearing what he remembers being sent back with. Namely, ANBU garb minus the flak jacket.

His Hokage Cloak is gone. (It was impractical, anyways, he assures himself, he may have proudly inherited the name after Kakashi used the Remastered Reaper Death Seal on the Ten-Tails, but Naruto scarcely wore it out. It marked him a target, after all.)

The ANBU fire swirl emblazoned on his shoulder was left unobscured. He had gotten it a while back in order to blend in with the remaining survivors, (Shikamaru called it _for safety measures, we can’t lose another Kage this late into the war_ or something) and now he was beginning to regret that little precaution.

He was sent back into time, so once they find the ANBU mark on him, he’ll have a really hard time explaining himself. (That is, if he isn’t dragged into T&I for falsifying the mark first.)

He finds his kunai pouches and scrolls on the kitchen table, understanding that his younger self had taken it off of him for better comfort. 

He finds his headband too-- not the _leaf_ , not the proud headband Iruka gave him, but a much newer one with the mark of _Shinobi_ , because at some point the Shinobi symbol of Unity became a desperate mark of how little survivors were left.

He doesn’t wear it immediately, but he takes it in his hand and brings it prayerfully to his chest.

It possibly wasn’t _Naruto_ that removed his weapons from him. It didn’t make sense that such a young child could carry him into his house, past the streets and up the stairs.

That means-- he swallows nervously-- that means the ANBU had already found him.

Naruto had always been vaguely aware of ANBU guards in his childhood-- they’d give him food at times, other times they made sure he didn’t loiter too far into some random clan’s territory.

He closed his eyes, and focused.

He finds his chakra inside him-- (it’s smaller than he remembers, weaker, and it flickers, because it’s not as voluminous as when Kurama was in there) and stretches it out. 

(He feels his tiny counterpart before him-- warm and wild, gentle, with a little spike of the Kyuubi seeping out.)

He reaches further.

(No neighbours. This was the more isolated corner of the village, after all-- it was better for Naruto when no one was around to shun him for being a container. There’s a crowd further away-- the orphanage, in the corner; the night market’s in the other direction; the bars, bustling with drunks and parties.)

Then, belatedly, Naruto finds it.

(There’s a smoother, much stronger chakra directly above him, perched on the roof.)

When Naruto’s chakra washes over him, a careless sensor mistake, Naruto feels the chakra spike in hostility, bristling. Naruto can only chortle humorlessly at that.

He stands up and ties his Shinobi Headband over his forehead.

Time to face the past.


	5. all that is near us, we must know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so here we go, baby steps. it can't be that difficult to immediately see a familiar face, right? 
> 
> wrong. He's awfully, terribly, completely, absolutely, wrong.

“Hi, uh,” he tries a friendly greeting, holding a hand up in a two-finger salute as he approaches the ANBU that looks ready to maim him, “thanks for… helping me, I guess? Was it you that got me here?”

Naruto holds his hands up in a mock-surrender. He had made sure to leave his weapons where he found them, to show he doesn’t mean any harm.

ANBU Lynx lowers the kunai in his hand, but he keeps it in his hand as he keeps a wary eye on the other. Naruto notes that he’s still young-- couldn’t be any older than sixteen.

“The Hokage requests your presence,” the ANBU finally says.

_Straight to the point, eh?_

“Of course,” Naruto manages a weak smile.

He brings his hands down a moment after that, and moves to his stomach where a sick churning builds up. He averts his gaze from the ANBU, suddenly understanding who exactly he was talking to.

_Tenzou_ , his mind supplies. 

( _I’m sorry. This is all my fault._ No it isn’t, Yamato-sensei, you- _It’s all because I let my guard down and let them_ use _me_ . It’s no one’s fault except Kaguya. _But I’m the catalyst that made this whole war possible_. Listen to me, Yamato-sensei!)

Naruto bites back the nausea that washed over him, and breathes out brokenly.

(.. _.Yamato-sensei?_ )

He shakes the thought out of his head and turns his attention to the ANBU that was, unfortunately, still surveying his reactions. 

“What’s wrong?”

At just his voice, Naruto _couldn’t_. He crouches down, hand gripping his chest and the other across his face. 

(Because only an ANBU would know how to commit suicide in a way so quick yet so gruesome, that his body couldn’t be used anymore.)

He swallows the sick down, and his hands return to his forehead protector. He lets out another pained breath shakily, and looks up, trying not to cry at the teenager.

“I’m fine,” _he isn’t_.

“It’s nothing,” _it’s something_.

Naruto casts one last glance to his younger self, and his brows furrow in a grimace. Even the windows were murky and disgusting to touch. He doesn’t think his tiny is safe here. He’s crowded by enough bacteria to make Shizune scream at Tsunade, and he’s buried by too much neglect, enough to make Sasuke seem like nice company.

He had to do something about this.

His breath is shallow and his steps are heavy as Tenzou leads the way to the Hokage Tower.

He jumps across a roof. (A roof. Buildings-- clay tiles, cement walls, gravel ground,) he sucks in a breath as the Hokage Rock comes into view.

Four proud faces carved into Monuments, not an embellishment or fissure in their structure. (It’s still there. Granny Tsunade’s face isn’t there yet, though.)

It’s then that he takes in everything around him.

The nightlife. Flickering phosphenes, laughter and mindless chatter-- the cacophony of joy and luxury and _peace_ , and it sounds so strange to him.

It’s Konoha, he takes in the hundreds of chakra signatures that flood into his senses, and somehow, an overwhelming sense of gratitude fills him. He feels the burn in his eyes, but he holds back the tears and makes another long stride forward.

Naruto really doesn’t think he’ll be able to see Hiruzen and not cry.


	6. could disappear any day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he chooses his moves carefully, like he's balancing on a thin sheet of ice. he's using everything he can to get somewhere, and he... thinks it's working.

Naruto isn’t really surprised to find himself with an audience.

Aside from Lord Hokage himself, his Jounin Commander Shikaku is here, despite the late hour. Tenzou was here simply for being the one that found him-- but a line of other ANBU stood guard, hidden but present.

Tenzou eyes Naruto’s ANBU mark skeptically-- and in a sigh, Naruto realizes that his forehead protector is working against him.

As the door closes behind him and he feels an ANBU in the corner shift, he turns his gaze to Lord Third and meets a stilted, firm pair of black.

Naruto tries not to falter. He breathes in, counts to seven, and breathes out. He feels his chest tighten at another sight of the old man, but he merely diverts his gaze to the man’s hat and groans in defeat.

“So,” the Hokage had his hands stapled together under his chin, “I believe you have much to explain, young man.”

_Right,_ Naruto thinks. _Identification. Explanations to possible falsifications_. 

_Now,_ he thinks as calmly as he’s not used to thinking-- _what should I be saying if I don’t want to get hauled into T &I with Ibiki-san? _

(Hey Old Man I’m actually Naruto from the future and uh, things kinda went to shit so I’m back! I know I look nothing like me and uh, I probably can’t get much DNA or chakra identified to match my tiny self because this body is a patchwork doll of me and som’a the other Tailed Beasts, I know they’re kinda the epitome of destruction at this point in time but trust me they’re nice! Believe it!)

(Yeah, no.)

The now-redhead reaches under his turtleneck collar and to his nape, retrieving a necklace.

Tsunade’s necklace, a prized heritage from the First Hokage himself.

(Because, although it was shattered in an incident with a six-tailed Naruto, Naruto had managed to rebond the stones with the power he’d received from the Sage of Six Paths. It was a delightful surprise, really. He had only been practicing, and Sakura had gathered the pieces so long ago just for the sake of it being Tsunade’s keepsake. He still wore it, but only to keep Tsunade’s legacy alive.)

Hiruzen’s eyes widen.

Shikaku glances with a raised eyebrow, evidently unaware of the meaning behind the necklace. But he regards his Hokage’s reaction clearly, and keeps himself silent.

A myriad of thoughts filter through Hiruzen’s mind, but he speaks none of it. Naruto watches the suspicion file in and out of the man’s gaze, and stays perfectly still, awaiting judgement.

Finally, Hiruzen concludes, “leave us.”

Naruto lifts his head abruptly, not quite expecting that. 

Shikaku gawks, a million responses in his throat just to remind his Hokage why he _shouldn’t_ , but a better part of him understands that the Hokage knows what he’s doing. That didn’t mean Shikaku had to like it though.

Hiruzen keeps a firm eye on Tenzou, who, after a moment of surprise quickly drops to his knees, addresses the Hokage for his dismissal, and promptly _shunshins_ away.

Naruto feels the rest of the ANBU distance themselves from the Hokage Tower, and breathes out a sigh of relief.

“Shikaku, you too.” The man jolts in surprise, before turning incredulously to the older man who only gazes back at him with a stern glance. 

Sighing, Shikaku leaves, muttering about troublesome superiors and ungodly hours. He lets the Hokage know that he would be on standby outside the door anyways.

When the door closes again, Naruto makes the mistake of meeting Hiruzen in the eyes.

His breath hitches as the Hokage regards him curiously. 

“So,” it begins, “am I to assume Tsunade sent you?”


	7. be careful.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaaaand he messes up. you're a genius, naruto.

“No,” the word escapes him before he thinks better of it, “I--” his gaze diverts, shooting to the side nervously as he swallows, and breathes out.

Lord Hokage eyes the boy in a way that almost seems impatient, a clear, unspoken _well?_ In the air that Naruto knows he can’t ignore any longer.

“It’s a little bit of a… long story,” he tries, “I promise I’m not a spy or anything… this ANBU mark is real, and so is my headband, even if the-- the, uh Shinobi word on it isn’t from any country at this, point of time, so it looks pretty dumb as spywear, but-- Oh, I didn’t steal this necklace, Granny really gave it to me!” he trips over his own words, regretting it the second he speaks and then abruptly-- he stops.

He’s panicking, he realizes.

When’s the last time he lost his composure so much? Before the war? How long ago was that anymore, was there really a time before the war? He can’t remember how it felt like to not be in war-- it’s like a dream now.

His fists are gripped tight around the string of the necklace, and his fingers tremble so hard, his knuckles are white. He bites his lips, breathes and it’s shakier than he knows it’s supposed to be. 

He finds himself unable to raise his head, his eyes locked on some spot in the furthest corner of his vision-- he can’t bring himself to try again.

“I don’t know where to start,” he brokenly admits.

Hiruzen senses the man’s plight.

To begin with, Hiruzen can’t personally verify the necklace the man had shown him-- it may be a fake, but who could say? Would a spy really show up with such insufficient evidence, bearing an ANBU mark (which could be easily verified if it was a fake), and wearing a forehead protector that belonged to no village?

Hiruzen was no therapist, but from the way the man spoke, breathing quick and speech fast and fumbling-- he could tell the man was really on his last thread.

That, from a mildly opinionated perspective, cuts down the chances of this man being a spy.

No one would send such an obvious spy, much less one that can’t speak eloquently enough to sway figures of authority. There would be no point at all.

Perhaps, a lost shinobi? Hiruzen wondered if this man was a leftover of a missing-nin. Or perhaps, a vagabond from another land. That would explain the injuries, but it wouldn’t explain the apparently real ANBU mark. 

“Then,” Hiruzen offers with a sigh, “let’s start with your name, shall we?”

When the redhead jumps, his body language freezing up in horror, Hiruzen begins to wonder if the man has a name.

“But-” when the man speaks up, after darting his gaze around every mile of the room three hundred times, he swallows, then finally, his eyes squeeze close. With a sort of do-or-die resolve in his tone, he announces, “I’m Naruto!”

Hiruzen wanted to be the one with composure in the room, but at the mention of the name his smoking pipe jumps out of his hand, flips in the air, and his flamboyant attempts at catching it before it falls fails.

He glares accusingly at the fallen stick, not reaching to pick it up. Clearing his throat and pretending that didn’t happen, he only manages an incredulous “what?”

“It’s a long story!” the boy pleads, unhelpfully.


	8. the main key to finding happiness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thankfully, hiruzen is an understanding man. or not.

“So you're telling me time travel has been made possible in the future,” Hiruzen sums it up.

Naruto nods, “It was kinda a hit or miss, and only made possible because of all the chakra we got from the Bijuu, and uh, the Yang Seal--” he raised his hand, looking to his palm only to find the sun-shaped Mark was gone, “nevermind, apparently I lost it.”

Hiruzen sighed. The kid was rambling, and Hiruzen barely understood half of the vocabulary used. He wasn’t about to chase for elaborations or gruesome histories-- it was much too late at night for that kind of madness.

“Let’s say I believe you--” Hiruzen ignores the relieved sparkle in the man before him, “what do you plan on doing herein?”

Hiruzen doesn’t miss the way the man hasn’t looked him in the eye even once.

It’s not hard to tell that this ‘Naruto’ is staring at his hat, trying to look in the general direction of the Hokage instead of the man himself.

A stark contrast to the bubbly, prankster Naruto he knows, whose eyes are always boring uncomfortably into someone else’s.

The words seem trapped in his throat, but Naruto slides from one foot to the other, bringing himself forward to approach the Hokage’s desk.

“I…” he chokes on the words, “nothing significant yet, I haven’t had enough time to plan out my course of action. The only thing I know is that a  _ lot _ of things have to make changes herein, Lord Third.”

And Hiruzen flinches-- not because of the way the man’s voice lowers sternly into deep, meaningful authority towards the end-- but because he’s realized that this Naruto hasn’t called him ‘Gramps’ even once.

“Am I to suppose you wish to become a direct counsellor to the Hokage?” the fire shadow almost sounds offended. “You must understand, the council won’t be happy if I decide to suddenly listen to the demands of a stranger.”

When Naruto’s fists clench over the desk, Hiruzen finds that the redhead didn’t think things through that far either.

“Then I’ll move alone,” he decides, “there’s a lot I can do alone, even without directly influencing the Hokage. Like--” the redhead stops himself, “I can be an ANBU. Or even just a Jounin. I just need… citizenship-- a name and place in Konoha. That’s all I’ll ask of you, so please.”

Now, is that any way to ask a favour from the Third Hokage? Hiruzen doesn’t mention how it sounds like a demand much more than a request. 

The man is desperate. So flustered, his manners (nonexistent to begin with regardless) flung out the window as he pleads.

  
  


“Naruto,” Hiruzen notes the way the man flinches at the name, and keeps it in mind, “I have many questions for you, including your… appearance, but from the state my ANBU has found you in, I don’t suppose you’re in a good enough physical condition for this kind of interrogation.”

_ Interrogation _ , maybe that wasn’t the right word to use.

The redhead looks as if he’s been shaken, beaten, and dried. There’s only exhaustion and painted horror in his face, scarred into flesh and blinking through his odd-coloured eyes.

If the bandages that wound around odd parts of him wasn’t already a cause for alarm-- (Hiruzen grimaces, suddenly sinking into understanding that  _ this _ was apparently what became of his little Naruto,) the redhead is barely steady on his feet.

Hiruzen sees that the man’s right about ready to just collapse right there-- he’s holding on with only will and resolve and a strength uprooted from war-beaten insomnia.

He sees the boy’s eyes hang with a sort of disappointment, before softening in defeat.

“I understand,” he complies.


	9. lies nowhere else but in my soul.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> naruto knows he's asking a lot from the hokage. but what the hokage gives him is exactly what he needed-- belonging, and a new beginning.

In a belated realization, Naruto reaches for his forehead protector and pries it off his head. Hiruzen eyes it skeptically as he has been for the past conversation. 

“Why ‘Shinobi’?” asks the Hokage.

Naruto’s gaze on the hitai-ate is almost reverent, regretful. Hiruzen can’t help but feel curious-- that was a genuine, pridefully worn headband. If it had changed, for some reason-- Hiruzen only hoped it was for good.

“Because we weren’t fighting as ninja from different lands,” Naruto explains, hands curled around the headband in lost will, “we were fighting as one, as simply  _ Shinobi _ .”

Hiruzen is shown the delicate carving in the center of the steel, and somehow, he’s filled with a sort of conflict. (Relief. Panic. Confusion. Suspicion? He’s not too sure.)

_ Did this mean that the nations had united? Or did it mean that there were no nations left? _

There has to be a reason for the boy’s shellshocked eyes. Hiruzen finds himself leaning more toward the latter conclusion. He wishes it were the former.

He casts a gaze toward Konoha’s nightlife, the blinking phosphenes in the lanterns of the shopping district-- then he turns back to the other occupant in his office.

The Third doesn’t think this was a time to ask-- somehow, he understands that whatever this man went through, Hiruzen has no _ need _ to know.

With renewed vigor, Hiruzen brings an earthy smile to his face, hoping it would calm the man before him. He finally picks up his fallen smoking pipe.

“You’re in need of a new name,” he reminds, knocking his pipe against the ash tray and placing it neatly aside, “so, I think  **_Shinobu_ ** would suit you just fine.”

He chuckles at the way Naruto’s mouth drops in shock.

“I can’t keep my name??”

“Of course not, ‘Naruto’ isn’t exactly a common name. It would be confusing.”

“But why Shinobu--” he freezes, turns to his forehead protector, “oh.”

Yeap, Hiruzen thinks, that’s definitely Naruto.

There’s a bit of light in Naruto’s--  _ Shinobu’s _ eyes as he rubs the back of his head, chortling bashfully at the dumb moment. Then, it fades, and so does the laughter-- and Shinobu sighs fondly, because _ it feels kinda weird to laugh _ . It’s been so long since anyone did.

“Thanks, gramps,” he finally says, “I guess I’ll call myself that now.”

_ Shinobu _ would take time getting used to this name-- but it wouldn’t be the first time he wore an alias. It would be fine.

Something in Hiruzen’s posture eases at the now familiar referral, but Naruto misses the fond smile that grows on the old man’s face. 

“I need to head back to my-- uh,  _ younger me _ , Naruto’s house, tonight,” he stumbles over his words again, “cause he picked me up so if he doesn’t see me in the morning that would be weird-- and my stuff are still there too-- is that alright, gramps?”

“I’ll inform the ANBU guard about you,” the Hokage assures. 

“Alright. See you in the morning, gramps!” Shinobu dishes a two-finger salute, turning on his heels toward the door in an almost rushed manner.

“Wait, wait,” Hiruzen waves for the boy who seems much too eager to leave.

“Huh?” 

Hiruzen groans contentedly, leaning his chin on his palm and sending a fatherly smile at the boy, “I just wanted to say welcome back, Shinobu.”

Shinobu falters, because even last time around, this was a line he longed to hear. He bites back the burning in his throat, and his lips curve upward in a way that Hiruzen doesn’t think is insincere at all.

“I’m home, Gramps.”


	10. you could reminisce.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shinobu does not think he's okay. both physically, mentally, and emotionally. 
> 
> wait, that's three things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thanks so much for all the comments and kudos! ♥️ they mean a ton to me! ♥️♥️♥️

The day almost literally begins with Shinobu hunched over the toilet, emptying his stomach of the measly, god-forsaken, absolutely _harmless_ bread he tried to ingest.

Tiny Naruto is thankfully, still asleep, because Shinobu can honestly use some privacy as he vomits his guts out in a toilet that quite honestly belongs to a stranger.

This is humiliating.

He’d bought that bread on the way home, so certainly, the bread isn’t at fault.

His stomach is churning-- he remembers feeling this when he talked to Tenzou too, maybe it was the nerves. That might explain why his first taste of yeast in, however the hell long the war was, was spat right out like it was poisonous.

The world swims before him, and something tells him that the Buddha isn’t actually squeezing his head together as tightly as possible. It’s just doing that by itself.

He can’t really see anything, the dingy toilet, the low light, blurry vision and dancing black spots. He throws up again, and again, until his throat is too shredded for him to muster enough will to try again.

His stomach was empty. Just stomach acid and maybe water. Still burned.

_Am I sick?_ He uselessly wonders-- _no, I can’t get sick because Kurama makes sure of that._

A beat, and he remembers, _oh, right, Kurama isn’t here anymore. Crap, I’m, twenty? Twenty-two? And I’m having my first ever experience at getting sick! Awesome! Never again. Sorry for making fun of you last time Sasuke._

He blinks back a burning in his eyes, but the sob rips from his throat. Now he wished he listened to Ino’s dumb health lectures.

“Uhm, you okay in there?”

Shinobu holds back a shriek when the window starts talking. Holy crap, demon possession, Sai save me-- wait no, that’s just the ANBU guard. 

He waits a moment before he pushes his face from the crusty porcelain-- swinging away the ache in his head made it worse, so he keeps his head as still as it can be while he pushes onto his feet, reaching for the sink to gargle the nauseating taste out of him.

He manages to stagger his way to the door, grateful the ANBU hadn’t forced his way in thinking he’d died from how quiet he was already.

There’s a squeeze in his throat, and Shinobu doesn’t speak. 

He stares through the ANBU’s unchanging Dog Mask, trying to tell himself that isn’t who he thinks it is.

He swallows, and it hurts. But he doesn’t think water will stay down any better than the bread did. So he keeps his head down, shakes his head curtly, before gratefully collapsing into one of the kitchen chairs. 

The world was blinking in colours that didn’t exist. He presses his fingers into his eyes until black spots dance, but that only reminds him more of the pounding in his head that don’t seem to want to go away.

“Uhm,” _oh god mister ANBU can you go back to your roof can’t you see I’m trying to gouge my eyes out_ , “I’m making breakfast, like, I usually do for Naruto, so…”

Shinobu glances up blearily, to the ANBU that slacked his weight into one foot, a plastic bag of what was probably groceries hanging by his forearm.

_Ah, the ANBU was offering to make them all breakfast._

He turns his gaze a little higher, and winces at the tuft of familiar silver hair. 

“Yeah,” his voice sounds so dry he may as well as croaked, “m’fine without.”

His stomach turned. His shoulders were rock stiff. His clothes felt too warm on him.

Being sick sucks, but honestly? It wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle.

“Where are you going?” 

Shinobu flinches at the voice, but holds on to the wall, trying not to make it too evident. He bites his lip down and breathes-- hold for seven seconds-- 

“H’kage,” he manages to answer.

Then Shinobu realizes, he can’t just off and go, he’s still under suspicion. He’s going much earlier than planned, too, but Naruto is a criminal oversleeper and Shinobu didn’t want to stay a single second more next to this ANBU that stinks of familiarity.

Much less, he didn’t want to be seen this, this _vulnerable_ and _sick_.

ANBU Hound drops the plastic bag on the table, and sighs.

“It’s customary that I follow you.”

Shinobu didn’t have enough energy to come up with a reason to say no.

He bites back the nausea, and _shunshins_ away, ANBU Hound hot on his heels.


	11. you could recall.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hiruzen does not think he looks okay, but well, there's little he can do about it.

The Hokage had asked him to go back in hopes of getting some rest, but honestly, Hiruzen thinks the man looks _more_ exhausted than the night before.

For the sake of professionalism and thinking it was better to get this conversation over with early, Hiruzen pretends he doesn’t see it, and acts as strictly as he manages to.

Shinobu manages to chant the names of his biological parents, the Sannin and the fact that Jiraiya has a couple of apprentices in Amegakure, the name he had planned for (given, apparently) his future grandson, and a list of reasons why Kakashi Hatake should be sent to Inoichi for therapy, as well as Mitarashi Anko’s curse mark (which he was sure everyone kept tightly under wraps, no one should’ve known that, unless--) when Hiruzen decides he’s heard enough.

“I suppose the reason you look ready to keel over is because of the absence of the nine tails in you?” Hiruzen observes. He knew that jinchuuriki die inevitably after their bijuu is extracted from them. The same was true for Kushina, the woman only holding out as long as she had due to sheer Uzumaki willpower.

Shinobu swallows thickly, more of need than of nerves, “n’thing to worry,” there was definitely something to worry about, seeing as he’s been speaking in pieces and the Hokage was barely patient enough to last through the conversation by letting the man take his time, “so m’i clear?”

Hiruzen had no reason to doubt.

He had Tsunade’s treasured necklace. He knew the names of Naruto’s parents, and only the Tokubetsu Jounin that guarded him, as well as the Council, knew of them. 

He knew enough of things-- Hiruzen’s gut instinct told him that the man wasn’t lying at all-- but his reasonings could still pass as a very well-informed information gatherer.

“Alright, I trust you,” Hiruzen decides.

Because although the signature golden hair was nowhere to be seen, there was a familiar, determined glint in those eyes. It was odd to look upon the heterochromatic orbs and understand those belonged to _Naruto_ , but the stability that burned through the flashes of pain-- they were exactly what Hiruzen saw in Minato and even in Lord First.

Those were eyes of a Hokage that would do anything for their people.

Hiruzen couldn’t really turn those eyes away, could he?

“Well, let’s get started on making you a backstory.”


	12. the very last time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shinobu finally takes his first step. now, let's hope his head doesn't take two steps back.

“Here’s your new hitai-ate,” Hiruzen slides it across the table, “does the flak jacket fit well?”

Shinobu tugs the zipper of his new flak jacket up, eternally grateful for the new warmth but strangely hateful of the fresh smell wafting off it. 

“It does,” he mutters, eyeing the Konoha symbol in a sort of reverence.

He slides his thumb across the mark, and almost sighs contentedly as he pulls it across his forehead, tying it securely to the back of his head.

It almost feels foreign to him.

Well, Shinobu has, truly, never been given the Jounin rank formally like this, from the Hokage. He stayed a Genin through the war and every other rank was a decorative disguise. To actually manage to achieve Jounin like this-- it felt dumb that Shinobu was feeling happy.

After a while of talking at a comfortable speed, Shinobu felt better than he did in the morning.

The nausea didn’t churn and threaten to swallow him anymore. His head was light, maybe a little too light, but it wasn’t ringing and at least he couldn’t hear colours anymore.

He manages to soften his gaze on the Hokage-- on the one he considered his _grandfather_ , and somehow, he doesn’t crumble at the understanding that _he’s alive_ anymore.

He doesn’t even remember the last thing Gramps had said to him the last time around. Was it before he died, or before the Edo Tensei finally gave in, with Sasuke’s chakra?

Shinobu’s going to have to change things around-- that was his mission-- his final mission, assigned from none other than _himself_. (Not that there was anyone else to get or give missions, other than the crumbling reanimated corpses.)

He isn’t going to let things go far enough to _need_ the reanimation jutsu.

Dwelling on it crushed him, but he couldn’t stop wishing it would be _anyone else_ more capable to come here. (But they’re dead.) No, they’re alive.

(They won’t be the same.)

_That’s fine._

(You’re alone.)

_It’s still better than all of them being dead._

“Well then, Shinobu,” Hiruzen smiles, “about your living arrangements… to keep you under surveillance to deem you loyal to Konoha, it would be customary for me to fit you into the household of a currently active Jounin. Is that alright?”

Shinobu blinks.

“Yes, I understand,” he starts. He didn’t exactly expect to suddenly be able to slot in like an ANBU if he wanted to be able to meld and influence the people. He needed the trust of the people and the fellows of his current age.

“I’m considering slotting you in with Maito Gai--”

“No.”

“I have a very valid reason--”

“No!”


	13. you felt joy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shinobu finally meets naruto. he's like a buzzing sunflower that sparkles.

“You! Mister Weird guy, are you okay now?” 

Shinobu knows that Naruto’s manners were atrocious, but this is ridiculous. Being called ‘Mister Weird Guy’ by himself? Alright, maybe he could check that off the list.

“Mister Mask Guy said you went to see Gramps!” he points (hey Naruto,that’s rude) at ANBU Hound, who busies himself washing the dishes, unfazed by the nickname. 

Shinobu crouches down to Naruto’s eye level, (was he always this tiny? Even on his knees Naruto couldn’t reach his nose) and manages to look kind.

“Hey, uh,” his speech comes more smoothly now, having calmed himself on the journey back from the tower. “Naruto, right? Thanks for helping me out there.”

Naruto breaks into a grin, snickering as a hand brings up to rub the back of his head. 

“I’m Shinobu,” he introduces himself, holding out a hand that little Naruto jumps to take with both of his, “nice to meet you?”

“Nice to meet’cha!” Naruto beams, happier than Shinobu ever remembers being. “So, where did you come from? Mister Mask Guy said you fell from the sky! Do you have wings? Show me, show me!”

Reminding himself to punch that ANBU through the gut later, Shinobu gives Naruto a stiff smile and suggests, “yes, but if I show you my wings, I’ll die, so I can’t. Sorry, Naruto.”

At that, Naruto’s face just about morphs into horror. He squawks in horror, “no, you can’t die! I won’t ask to see it again! Promise!”

“Don’t tell anyone that I have wings either, okay?”

Naruto swipes his hands over his mouth almost too quickly, nodding sharp and honestly. Shinobu can’t help but chuckle at the sight.

Shinobu turns back to the sink to find ANBU Hound was already gone.

Sneaky bastard.

“I just got back in Konoha from a very long mission,” Shinobu begins explaining to little Naruto, who nods readily at the sudden information, “so would you show me around?”

Naruto jumps, as if surprised by the rare factor that he was necessary in a situation, then he deflates, “I… think Mister Mask Guy should do it,” he admits, looking down.

Shinobu frowns at that.

Judging from the paint he remembers the boy being covered in, perhaps Naruto had pulled a prank. Or perhaps, Naruto was thinking of all the places he’s not exactly welcome to enter.

“I’m fine with you, Naruto,” Shinobu runs a hand through his hair bashfully, “I actually know no one my age, so it’s a bit embarrassing. Should we head to a toy store? I can buy you anything you want as thanks for helping me.”

“Really?!” there was that adorable smile again, “I’ll go! Let’s go!”


	14. or maybe you are so blessed to a point.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shinobu kidnaps naruto for a day to be kids. he doesn't see it coming.

“Why a dog?”

“It reminds me of Mister Mask Guy!”

“Ah.”

Since they left the toy store an hour ago, Naruto hasn’t stopped holding the orange dog plushie. Shinobu thinks he’ll need to work on how Naruto is holding his hand way too tightly, (I mean, you’ve only met me a couple hours ago, don’t be so trusting please) but for now he can’t bear to disrupt that smile.

Shinobu makes sure his eyes are both blue with a henge before he steps out on the street. He buys Naruto an ice cream, a stick of dango, and a new shirt.

_ What? He was the Seventh, for god’s sake. Of course he has money! _

(Definitely didn’t henge into a frog to steal this from Pervy Sage’s account because I know his bank code. Definitely.)

“You’re spoiling him,” ANBU Hound tells him.

He’s sitting under a tree, watching Naruto play in the park with a bunch of kids. Or at least, a bunch of kids were playing and Naruto was hiding somewhere too scared to talk to them. The ANBU is just  _ somehow _ on the tree. Shinobu swears he wasn’t there half a moment ago.

Shinobu scoffs at the daunting accusation. Naruto’s never had anyone around to spoil him before, so what if he wants to be the first?

“He’s four,” he says, in an almost matter-of-fact way.

ANBU Hound doesn’t speak any more, so Shinobu leans back against the tree and lets himself rest.

He keeps his eyes on Naruto for another moment longer before he’s closing his eyes and sinking into a semi-meditative state. 

He considers immersing into his mindscape, but the understanding that  _ Kurama isn’t there _ stops him from his attempts. So he settles on the view at the back of his eyelids.

He feels a squishy, almost sticky touch to his cheek.

His eyes snap open as he flinches back, sucking in a sharp breath and whirling out to the intruding presence.  _ Crap, he didn’t notice anything. Were his sensor skills really so shit without the fox’s influence? _

To his surprise, his eyes meet a girl’s-- 

“I- I’m sorry!”

And Shinobu panics.


	15. that you can't remember anything.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shinobu is definitely not okay, and now that the kids (kits?) have noticed, they're the more physically responsible party.

Breathe in. Count to Seven. Breathe out.

His hand is at his chest, clutching so tightly his fingers sweat and his knuckles are white. His brand new flak jacket is crinkled, but he could care less.

His heart spasms so sharply it hurts. He doesn’t think of anything other than the hollow agony in his chest. He tells himself to take in a breath but it’s too shallow. He tries to hold, but it escapes and another runs in.

His body isn’t obeying him.

He squeezes his eyes shut, curls up closer to the tree-- takes one forceful breath, holds it so tightly he could cry-- then lets it out slowly.

It’s easier to take the second slow breath from there.

He forgets exactly where he is, who he’s facing for a moment-- and rides out the attack. He doesn’t, can’t tell how long he takes, and he knows it shouldn’t matter. At least for now.

“I’m--”

The voice is back. Soft, sweet, impossibly gentle, female.

_ It’s her voice. Hers. It can only be her. No one else has a voice so tender, so beautiful, so soothing even through the roughest shards of war. _

“I’m sorry,” she manages, “are- are you okay, mister?”

Shinobu doesn’t think he’s ready to look at her.

He leans back against the tree, and without opening his eyes, he smiles in her direction. (Hopefully, it’s an assuring one.) He doesn’t manage an answer. 

His voice is stuck in his throat, congested, and Shinobu knows if he unlocks the buildup in his throat, all that would escape was vomit.

Hyuga Hinata crouches down, incredibly  _ worried _ .

She has half a mind to run away, but that would be irresponsible of her. But she doesn’t know what to do! Should she call for her father?

The man pinches the bridge of his nose and rides out his panic in slow, practiced breaths.

“Shinobu-san? Shinobu-san!”

And suddenly a warm chakra encroaches him. It’s surprised, unstable, and smells distinctly of Kurama.

Shinobu opens his eyes, and catches those blues looking over him. Somehow, he thinks of his father, and that calms him.

“Are you feeling sick again?” Naruto’s worry is very vocal, fingers grabbing at the man’s sleeves, turning accusingly to Hinata on the other side, “hey, you! What did you do to him?” 

Hinata made a frightened squeal, stumbling back.

Shinobu moves in instinctively to catch her, and a second later he’s grateful her beautiful violet kimono wasn’t dirtied in the process.

Shinobu takes one more look over at the little Hinata in his arm and instantly regrets it.

_ (Sorry, Naruto-kun. But you have to live.) _

Little Naruto hisses at Little Hinata, and Shinobu finds her squished into his forearm, tugging at his shirt, looking up and trying to ask if he was alright.

“Ahh,” he stumbles, composure suddenly back in place as he brings a hand up to brush little Naruto on the cheek, and clutch little Hinata a little more snugly. “I’m fine, Naruto, I’m fine!” he quickly says, “don’t glare at her.”

He can’t wait a moment to gauge if Naruto bought his sudden excuse, so he turns to little Hinata and tries his best to seem friendly.

“I’m sorry--” he pauses, then, “ _ kit _ ,” he decides, “that wasn’t your fault at all. Just me. Sorry if I, frightened you a little.”

Hinata has her own hands clenched together near her chest. She does not look convinced, at all. She casts one more wary glance at Naruto before her hold on Shinobu’s shirt tightens.

“You, you still,” she begins, “look… very very sick… do you, do you need-- should you be at a hospital?” 

At that, Naruto clings to Shinobu’s arm as if, if he let go, Shinobu would run. “She’s right! Even Mister Mask Guy said so. Shinobu-san, you should go to the hospital if you’re sick!”

“I’m not--”

“Please!” Hinata’s hands were shaking, but more out of desperation than fear. She looks near tears, and Shinobu knows that if she  _ does _ cry he’ll be in deep trouble.

The mysterious-disappearance-death kind of  _ deep trouble _ .

“I’m fine, really! Thanks for worrying, kit, but--”

Naruto and Hinata glares at him, although both look distinctly more like childish pouts than anything. Shinobu sweats, not really knowing when they both ended up sprawled over his lap and clutching his shirt by the chest.

“I’ll treat you both to ramen,” he bargains. 

He doesn’t win.


	16. it's a harmony.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shinobu meets gai. wisely, he evacuates.

“I was told to pick you up. I did not expect to pick up two children as well-- but no issue! Unprecedented situations are possibly a sign of unfading youth!”

The words leave his mouth, and Hinata is clinging closer to Shinobu’s face. Naruto clings closer to the red-haired man’s leg, as if he wants to fuse with it.

Shinobu honestly wants to fuse into something too. Maybe that tree over there?

“I am Maito Gai!” he declares, posing unnecessarily, “it is a pleasure to meet you, Shinobu! I understand that you are a youthful man as well!”

Shinobu holds his breath. 

_ (I’m going back for Gai-sensei! He can’t move right now! He’s--) _

_ (Lee, you can’t! You’re not doing any better! Besides, Shino is there. You trust him, right?) _

He breathes out, and smiles.

“Nice to meet you too, Gai-san,” he greets, “thanks for being willing to house me while I’m stuck in probation.”

_ (Stop it, Lee. You’ve been searching for days.) _

_ (He’s there. Somewhere. He has to be.) _

_ (Lee, there’s nothing left!) _

“It is no issue! I would help out a fellow Jounin any day!” Gai declares proudly, his wide grin sending only a dull ache through Shinobu’s heart. “Especially hearing you lost you home after such a long mission-- it’s the least I could do! In fact, I leapt at the opportunity.”

_ (How many did we lose?) _

Shinobu reaches out for a handshake, which Gai more than gladly takes and firmly grips. Shinobu is almost surprised at the gesture.

Their  _ youthfulness _ had never failed to brighten his day.

_ (It’s easier to count what we have left, Lee.) _

“Do you mind if I walk these kids home first?” Shinobu asks, gesturing to Hinata and Naruto, who stiffened. 

Suddenly he’s so eager to leave. Before the tears burning in his eyes escape. Before the boiling in his throat breaks his voice, before the sight of that face, that colour, that smile, that voice, sends him over the edge.

“Of course not!” Gai grins, “I shall wait here! Have a safe excursion, Shinobu!”


	17. a miracle.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shinobu admits, he never thought he'd get lectured by a five-year old about adult responsibility.

Shinobu kneels on his knees, Naruto hiding behind a tree a ways from him.

Before them, Hyuuga Hiashi is furious. But the one lecturing Shinobu isn’t him, it’s Neji. It’s the tiny little angry overprotective older cousin of the- oh, you get it.

Hiashi had already been informed of Hinata’s whereabouts-- Shinobu suspected that the Hokage was using that weird crystal ball thing of his (speaking of that thing, it kinda just disappeared at some point. Where did the old man hide it? It would’ve come in handy during the Fourth War or something…) and thus, had already relayed Shinobu’s situation to the adult.

The adult looks like he has plenty to say too (didn’t Neji’s dad die recently? Or is he still alive? Regardless, what the heck was Hinata doing in the park alone?) but for the sake of the man’s pride, he holds back.

Neji rants about the Shinobi code of decency (that Shinobu himself doesn’t remember a word of, how does Neji know this) and manly common sense in taking a girl barely five out and returning late.

By the time he was done, the sun had set under the mountains and Neji huffs from the effort.

“Am I clear??” Neji finalises in his high, five-year-old young master tone.

Shinobu jumps at that, and to his own horror he stutters, “ye- yes, sir!” He bowed with his head to the ground for good measure, “I will be- uh, more careful henceforth!”

If Shinobu was any less afraid of his minimised old friend (who, well, already has Byakugan, how) he would’ve done a double-take when Hiashi snorted.

Instead, Hyuuga Hizashi, a man Shinobu has only heard stories of, decides to finally return and watch the commotion occuring in front of the main house.

“I’m home, Neji,” he calls, his voice growing less joyful by the minute. He glances at Shinobu, raises an eyebrow at Neji (who looks proud of his deed) and then turns to his twin, “what’s going on?”

“Hinata-sama was kidnapped!” Neji points accusingly like a tattletale.

“What?” 

“No she wasn’t!” Shinobu decides his head deserves to be on a plate when Naruto bursts out of the trees (goodness you should’ve gone home, kit) and he stands protectively before Shinobu, arms crossed, “Shinobu-san walked Hinata-chan home!”

“After keeping her outside without informing us!”

“Hinata-chan was  _ already _ outside!”

“She is not the sort to wander out of the compound on her own. Something must’ve drawn her out.”

“That’s not Shinobu-san’s fault!”

Hizashi has resigned from listening to the children, whose conversation was simply spinning around in circles now. He turns a concerned glance at Shinobu.

“Ah,” Shinobu realizes this is his cue to speak, “I have recently returned from a long mission and have been reinstated as a shinobi. My name is Shinobu.”

He stays on the ground on his knees as the Hyuuga Heads consider him.

Hiashi shrugs, “Lord Hokage has affirmed that testimony,” he tells his twin, “he is trustworthy, but that’s as far as I have been told.”

Hinata had been placed into the care of the ladies of the house at this point, so it was only the two heads and Neji out here. By the noise and the lights, Shinobu could tell that dinner was cooking.

So he gets up, ready to excuse himself if Neji was done lecturing him.

When he gets up, he doesn’t expect the wave of nausea that floods through him. His knees buckling before he even manages to straighten out a foot, he barely catches himself on his hands.

The floor swirls beneath him, his hands barely keeping him stable as a pain grows in his brain. His eyes feel swollen for a long, disoriented moment-- then, normality returns.

He’s aware that Hizashi has crouched down beside him, and looking up, he doubles back at the sheer surprise and concern that washes over his expressions.

He shoots up to his feet quickly this time-- there’s a resounding ache in the back of his head, but it fades quickly.

“Are you alright?” Hiashi speaks up.

Yeah, Shinobu definitely can’t pass that off as nothing. They definitely saw that-- what’s with their scared expressions? Surely, Shinobu’s little dizzy spell couldn’t have been that frightening to them.

“AHhh!!” and there little Naruto was again, leaping to cling to his pant leg, “I  _ told _ you you should be in a hospital! Y’look super sick, y’know!”

Shinobu gulps. And he’d thought that ice cream and new toy got  _ both _ of them off the hospital topic-- guess you can’t buy kids over with sweets, huh?

“Hospital?” Neji echoes.

“Are you ill?” Hiashi says, brow raised-- he hadn’t heard this from the Hokage. Was the Hokage himself aware of this? 

“I’m fine, really!” Shinobu is speaking in a more frantic tone than he wishes to use, “I’m just tired from the long mission. Haven’t had enough rest in a while, y’know?”

He leans down and picks up little Naruto, who protests.

“I will need to get going,” he tries to excuse himself, “Lord Hokage has delegated me to the care of Maito Gai-- I think I have left him waiting for quite a while. I apologize once again for the trouble I have caused.”

Hiashi, still a little baffled, manages a customary nod of dismissal before the man turns around and walks away.


	18. being able to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shinobu isn't ready to face his demons.

“You have taken a while, Shinobu!”

Maito Gai stands in the exact spot Shinobu left him, arms folded stiffly like it’s been stuck in that position for hours. Shinobu feels a little guilty, but that’s not his fault… right?

Naruto right about hisses at the man, who laughs boisterously without fear.

“If that isn’t young Naruto!” he acknowledges.

Shinobu shrinks at the same time Naruto does-- because every time the boy finds himself acknowledged, it doesn’t end well. Even if it was Maito Gai they were talking about.

But does Maito Gai hold the same grudge the village has against Naruto? Hm…

“Is it possible if,” Shinobu speaks up, hoping his smile would seem pacifist enough, “if we let little Naruto in for dinner tonight? He showed me around today and… it wouldn’t feel right to leave him to his house alone when it’s already late.”

There’s a stern set in Gai’s features as the man seems to actually take a moment to consider it. He wasn’t too keen on it, Shinobu could tell-- but did he have a reason to deny the request? Speaking of the Kyuubi was not allowed, but approaching and befriending it? It certainly was.

So Gai tucks his hands into his hips and declares, “of course he may!”

Then a moment later, he realizes, “but it’s not like I have dinner at home, so how does ramen sound? It’ll be a great welcome party for Shinobu! I might even be able to introduce you to some of our fellow Jounin along the way!”

Naruto perks up at the mention of ramen, then squeaks at the mention of other humans.

After all, he can somehow realize he’s really overstayed his welcome. He doesn’t deserve whatever this party thing is supposed to be! Also he’s about ninety percent sure the other Jounin will hate him--

Shinobu pats the boy on the head, but the smile is stiff on his face. He makes a strange dying noise when Gai mentions the other Jounin, and suddenly there is only regret in his every action.

Suddenly, he just knows why Hiruzen thought Gai would make a great host.


	19. and live at all.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shinobu dodges a bullet, and comes face to face with another.

“Hey there, Naruto! The usual?”

“The usual!”

“Tonkotsu Ramen for me!”

“Miso Ramen, please.”

Settling down at Ichiraku’s, Gai’s more than eager to volunteer to pay for everything. Naruto would make him regret that soon, but Shinobu only sighs in gratitude. He's relieved that they hadn't met any of the other Jounin along the way, at least.

“Well, that’s a new face!” Old Man Teuchi grins happily behind his counter, “welcome to Konoha, lad!”

Shinobu chuckles at that, thanking the warm reception. Naruto bounces in his seat as he watches the ramen cook, his dog plushie slumped across his head.

It made him wonder what happened to Ichiraku back then, too--  _ maybe it was destroyed somewhere during the Infinite Tsukuyomi. Or perhaps, when that meteor crushed more than three quarters of Konoha to dust? Or maybe it was incinerated as collateral when the Gokage sealed the Juubi… _ Shinobu had been too busy to be part of the survivor counters, getting ready to take up the mantle after Kakashi--

“So, how was your mission? Or, am I not allowed to ask?”

Gai’s voice seeps into his thoughts, and Shinobu finds a cup of alcohol before him before he remembers agreeing to it. Well, maybe it wouldn’t hurt.

“It’s classified, Gai-san,” he smiles fondly, and the taste of the wine is just as he remembers-- and he remembers chugging down bottles with Kakashi, then it was with Shikamaru, then it was with Sasuke, then alone. “But it was a long-term infiltration mission. Spywork and all that, y’know?”

Gai folds his arms contemplatively, “hm, those, huh. Lord Hokage has never sent me on one of those. I wonder why…”

Shinobu chokes on a laugh. The smile it puts on Gai’s face almost looks victorious.

“But, seeing as we’ve never met, you must have been gone for ages! Were you around during the Fourth Hokage’s reign?” Gai wonders honestly, speaking in a reasonable tone for the sensitive topic. 

Shinobu takes a moment to recall the story he had concocted with Hiruzen-- “no,” he recites the story, “I was given this mission from Lord Third. I was but a child when I left, so I thought it was about time to close the mission of my own accord.”

“You must have been gone for  _ decades _ ,” 

For a moment, Shinobu thinks that’s rage he hears in Gai’s voice. But when he turns to the man, he’s asking for another bottle of warm sake. Maybe Shinobu was hearing things.

“So, how’s Konoha now?” Gai grins, pouring more into Shinobu’s cup.

Shinobu wonders if Gai is trying to get him drunk. So maybe Gai suspects him still, and is using this opportunity to draw more information out of him while he can.

He didn’t peg Maito Gai for the subtly interrogative type. Maybe all Jounin knew how to do their jobs right, even the more… rambunctious ones. Shinobu found that interesting.

Shinobu thinks back to the world he left behind.

The craters in the land, the shadows over their heads-- the wary looks from the civilians and ninja alike, the ever-present kunai that became necessity more than precaution. The broken lamps and cold torches, the ragged blankets and torn flak jackets, and the worn out faces.

Shinobu takes another sip of his drink, and responds, “it’s warm.”

In the next moment their food is served, and Shinobu watches Gai dig into his food. Naruto engulfs his own bowl with such resounding vigor he’s almost jealous.

Shinobu enjoys the familiar, familiar smell-- closing his eyes and hoping the tears wouldn’t fall, he whispers a simple thanks for the food.

Surprisingly, he manages to eat.


	20. so here is your one and only chance.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No, Shinobu, you cannot steal that child."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii! Thanks so much for reading, guys! I promise I'm reading your comments and they make me so happy T^T i love all of you so much, please accept my uwus and virtual hugs--

Shinobu pulls on his flak jacket, tugging the zip upward fully. With a sigh, he reaches for his headband. He’s a moment away from his forehead when he decides against it, and ties the hitai-ate at his neck.

He looks in the mirror one more time, and tries not to flinch at the unfamiliar features.

His hair is still red enough to look Uzumaki, so perhaps he should suggest to don that last name again.  _ But would it attract unwanted attention? _ Even Nagato hid away his last name. Karin…  _ well she was in Orochimaru’s lab, wouldn’t count that as safe _ …

Most annoying of all was how his eyes were in different colours. He wonders if, in Kumogakure, there was some annoying fabled legend of a odd-eyed cat monster just as there is one of a nine-tailed fox in Konoha. 

Slipping on a contact lense so his eyes would at least both look blue again, Shinobu sits down in the room given to him.

It’s clean. And kinda spacious. There’s a nice, fluffy bed for him to rest in, but he gave it up for Naruto last night. He’s going to air it out of that drool later, though.

Gai’s house was in astoundingly great condition. This room looks well-maintained, despite clear signs of unuse. He guessed Gai’s cleaned it up for his arrival, then.

Naruto curls into the blankets with a soft, dreamy moan, his dog plushie forgotten near his feet. 

(What did he name that plushie again? Tamagoyaki?)

Shinobu yawns into his hand, and tugs his gloves on. 

A second later, the door blasts open with a youthful, “goOD MORning!!!” and a god-forsaken green beast gallantly announces his arrival, “it’s a bright and youthful morning, Shinobu! And little Naruto! What do you think about a refreshing morning jog before breakfast?”

Naruto sobs incoherently into his pillow, definitely awake, while Shinobu smiles stiffly. “No thank you, Gai-san, maybe next time.”

With an evident deflation, Gai sulks, “oh.” Then he bounces back up instantly, “then I shall take you for a tour of the village once I return! You seem to be in need of common supplies.”

Shinobu doesn’t have a chance to reject the offer before the man is charging out like the road won’t wait for him. He does remember to close the door on his way out, though, which Shinobu finds appalling.

Shinobu sighs.

“Okay Naruto, wanna tag along today or should I send you home?” 

Naruto bolts out of bed, and everything in his eyes scream ‘that green man is crazy’. But instead, he wags his sleep-crazed bedhead and declares, “I can go with you today too?”

Shinobu suppresses the urge to engulf the tiny boy in a hug.

A moment later, they’re in the Hokage’s office. Shikaku is there too, and they both falter at the man’s sudden appearance.

Shinobu lifts Naruto by the arms (the boy greets Lord Hokage with an excited ‘oh hey, gramps!’) and simply asks, 

“Lord Hokage, can I--”

“No, Shinobu, you cannot steal him.”


	21. life is an opportunity.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he tries to stand on his own. things are worse than he thought.

After a horrifiyingly youthful (unexpectedly it was kinda normal. It’s like when Ino dragged him and Shikamaru out that time because she noticed neither of them have more than three sets of identical clothes so she decided to haul their asses out for one big) shopping session, Shinobu huffs at the sight of a semi-filled closet and kinda-personalised room.

There’s an Ichiraku poster on the wall. There’s a pot of some unidentifiable plant (it’s a plant. Whatever) that was going to be Mr Ukki 2.0, and a cactus that was probably gonna be Mrs Ukki or something was placed by the window.

Maybe this is enough to make Gai think he has enough ‘youthful personalisation’ in his room.

On second thought, is he really going to keep up this lifestyle under Maito Gai’s roof? It sounds like a nightmare.

(But at least he’s not being hauled into T&I already.)

Well, it’s easier than needing to find a new apartment on his own. Once he’s cleared for missions, he can  _ maybe _ convince Gai to share the rent fees. Or maybe he can cook dinner for him? Man, he sounds like a housewife.

He cracks his knuckles, (pushing down the idea of cleaning the entire house since he has nothing to do), and promptly locks up before he leaves.

Gai was out on a short C-rank mission with some Genin whose instructor was out on another emergency mission, so he was under the watchful eye of an ANBU for now.

Shinobu brings himself to a Training Ground, (his feet bring him to Three before he can think better of it. Maybe it’s a force of habit, or a desperate need for something familiar--) he breathes in the air that’s so, so fresh, it smells strange.

There’s no soot in the air and no stench of dead in the atmosphere.

(Why would there be? He’s in the past.)

He closes his eyes, and for long, long moments he is simply  _ breathing _ . 

A Tokubetsu Jounin, a Taijutsu Master not quite the same as Maito Gai, had once spoken about this-- b reathing was a technique as delicate as kata. Depending on how you practice it, how you pull it through, it will bear fruit in your battles.

(Was it one of Tenten's friends?)

(I wonder how they died.)

So he works through his kata calmly, beginning with a simple Academy one, to a more advanced one in style with the Hyuga-- then he reminds himself of Lee’s sessions and drags his limbs out for them powerfully.

He’s almost through with the ones Sakura taught him when his knees, to his own horror, buckle under him. 

The next thing he knows, he’s collapsed on the ground, vision swirling in every known and unknown direction. He pulls himself up with eyes squeezed shut, ears ringing sharply as he suddenly realizes his breathing is out of composure.

His brain feels like a clunky rock bobbing about his head, and it feels anything but bearable.

He manages to at least settle in a figure-four sit to catch his breath.

“Ah,” he chokes out after a while, “this sucks.”

He drops down and decides to just lie down right there, in the grass that honestly isn’t too comfortable because he’s just spent hours trampling over it. 

What he can feel of the chakra left inside him is sustaining his life. From the henge he’s used over the week, he knows they’ll still replenish normally. But the chakra of the Tailed Beasts that were left inside of him-- those weren’t replenishing. 

In fact, with each passing day he feels less and less of Kokuo inside of him.

It strikes him that maybe that chakra is holding this body together. It will run even when he does nothing, and there was no way for it to replenish itself.

So if Shinobu  _ finally, finally _ dies… it will be from Chakra Exhaustion. 

And maybe he’ll never be able to change anything if he doesn’t move now, and start what he really needs to do. He’s already losing one part of what keeps him alive. His body is too weak to handle even the katas he runs through every day now.

What if he doesn’t manage to change the future? What if he dies before then?

The thought scares him.

He right hand grasps nervously at his left elbow, and he sighs.

“So what first?”

He’s going to ask Hiruzen for permission to leave the village.


	22. all that is near us we must know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nights are never easy.

He felt like his head was stuffed with cotton. Waking up on the bed that was too soft to relax in, sweat soaking him through so thoroughly his shirt was unsalvageable--

Shinobu breathes in, breathes out, and in the next second Maito Gai is at his room’s door, frantic and worried because of the screaming.

_ (Did he really accidentally crush all those people under his Rasengan or was that just part of the nightmare?) _

“Shinobu? Calm down, breathe with me.”

_ (Did Sasuke get impaled by those black rods, or had he been a second too late and watched those people get mauled to pieces, sight burned deep into his Sharingan?) _

“It’s okay, you’re safe.”

_ (He’s not sure anymore.) _

Shinobu doesn’t agree at first.

But Gai takes Shinobu’s hands in both of his own, because if anything Shinobu  _ needed _ the warm contact if only for assurance that he wasn’t alone, not anymore.

Shinobu remembers Lee doing it for Tenten so long ago, when the news of Neji’s death hit her harder than anyone else. It didn’t help to hear that Kiba was on his last breaths, and Ino was nowhere to be found.

(Lee had lost her soon after that. He never saw how she went, but some say she was fighting until the bitter end.)

Shinobu didn’t think he was forgetting a second of it. And yet, when the memories flowed back to him and warped into nightmares that haunting him-- they were like ghosts, clawing desperately into his heart and threatening him, cursing and spiting him for  _ daring _ to live so blissfully whilst shoving them to the back of his mind.

Could he really forget all those that meant so much to him? And start over here, as if hey never existed?

(Of course not.)

Shikamaru had found Temari trapped between debris, spine shattered and her brother’s puppets jammed shut, holding him back from what she faced. (Kankuro was never the same after that.)

Then there was Chouji, who stood strongly against a falling tower, holding it up for the civilians under him until his spirit gave out, but his body froze dead where it stood. (His father would’ve been proud if he could see him.)

(They never found Ino.)

Maybe that was when Shikamaru really broke apart. He never participated in the damage control again, and decided to lose himself in the cigarettes and alcohol, enjoying the quiet company of  _ Hinata, _ of all people.

(Maybe, suddenly realizing she was the only Hyuuga left, was hard to take in.)

(But no, he wasn’t going to see that happen again. He was here to change it, they’re still alive and not broken and perfectly functional and normal and--)

(And Shinobu was the only one whose head was screwing itself over.)

Shinobu realizes his fists are whiteknuckled over his shirt, and he breathes for what feels like a first time in a while, ignoring the dried tears on his cheek and the unending urge to throw up. He squeezes back against Gai’s hand gratefully, but he doesn’t know what else to do but dryly sob against the memories.


	23. could disappear any day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shinobu finds a familiar face, and he doesn't cry.

Shinobu coughs into his hand, and looks again at the list of groceries he insisted he helped Gai buy.

He needs to make himself useful, somehow.

His first attempt at asking for permission to leave the Land of Fire was a total shutdown. People still didn’t trust Shinobu much, especially the council and the more experienced Jounin in the country. If Shinobu were to make rash actions now, he might lose what little trust he’s managed to build up.

So he’ll have to push aside his plans of getting Nagato aside, first. Isobu’s chakra had been nagging him for a while, so his next plan had been to approach the Mizukage.

As for what came later… perhaps he could pick up Obito from the Mountainside Graveyard or wherever he is now. Then, come back in time to avoid the Hyuuga Affair in December? Wait, what month is it now? Then he needs to do something about the Uchiha ostracism too… and when does the massacre happen again?

Ah, what about Orochimaru? And Kabuto? And Danzou and Root and, right Sai had a brother, didn’t he? By all threads of kill me now, there’s so much to do!

Shinobu has half a mind to just flip the Hokage’s desk over so he can get started already. Maybe he could send some clones? But would that be too risky, knowing his perishable reserves? 

And they’d pop at a strike, too. All of these people required some good, heartfelt talking to.

Goodness, this is so troublesome!

“This is so troublesome,” someone echoes, and for a second Shinobu startles, wondering if he’s said it out loud-- then realizes the voice is deeper, younger, and definitely, shorter.

He turns around and finds none other than the young heir of the Nara standing beside him where the milk was displayed.

Standing not taller than Shinobu’s knees, Shikamaru scowled at the list in his hands (so tiny. Was this written for ants? If I say I can’t read it, do I get to just go home?) and picked a carton of milk, frowning at the expiration date.

Shinobu fears he might panic again, like how it had been with Hinata-- but what escapes him is highly amused laughter.

Shikamaru turns to him, eyebrow raised and mood unappreciative, and Shinobu takes that as a cue to leave him alone. Shinobu doesn’t listen to it.

“On an errand, kit?”

He crouched down, to reach Shikamaru’s eye level and to reach for the bottom shelves at the same time. 

Shikamaru’s lips purse into an unamused face, and his grunt probably means a _ what do you think? _

All of them couldn’t be any older than four years old at best. The thought alone made Shinobu realize just how  _ out of place _ he was here.

This wasn’t his best partner, his first friend, his longtime prank buddy. His personal advisor, his voice of reason,  _ this wasn’t him _ . This wasn’t  _ his _ Shikamaru.

This was Nara Shikamaru, heir of the Nara Clan-- and a stranger, at best.

The thought alone makes him feel something inside him empty out, hollow into a realization he thought he’d already accepted, acknowledged. Turns out he understood nothing.

He manages a smile, and helps the boy reach for a can of cookies on a top shelf. He all but stalks the boy through the rest of his errand, and it surprises him when the boy waits for him to reach for things on his own list.

When it was all over and done with, Shinobu buys a popsicle for the boy, and they spend a moment lounging by the park in mutual silence. 

Shikamaru sticks around for no real reason. It was a nice day, and this guys was nice. And he helped him reach for the top shelves, which was a relief because that meant Shikamaru didn’t have to hunt around for someone taller and ask them for help.

And free ice cream? Score, today was his lucky day. 

They didn’t talk-- which was another bonus. Shikamaru finds adult conversing with him troublesome-- they’d either talk about his father, or his position as the heir, or something else he had zero interest in entertaining.

So when he was done with his ice cream and ready to go home, Shinobu pats him on the head once, and simply goes on his way.

Shikamaru finds himself wondering if he’ll ever see that man again.

He kinda wonders why he coughed so much, though. Was he sick?


End file.
